Irresistable Force Meet Immovable Object
by cimmer
Summary: Momma told him there would be days like this.
1. Chapter 1

Irresistible Force Meet Immovable Object

Admiral Jiggs Starke stared into the face of his enemy, eyes unblinking, mouth set in a grim line. He wasn't giving in and he'd be damned if he was going to leave with less than total victory this time; not to the likes of this, this 'Zoomie'!

Major General Jack O'Neill's face might as well have been hewn from stone. This was the face that had stared down System Lords and no 'Bubblehead' was going to get the best of him!

The Defense Secretary and his aid shared a look, mentally shaking their heads even as the theme to 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly' played in their brains as they watched the two old bulls lock horns.

"Jack", the Defense Secretary said, "Admiral Starke has a point. The base is completely surrounded by water and there is already a substantial Naval contingent stationed there."

"Marines," barked the General, before adding "Sir". "It's hardly what I'd call a 'Naval' contingent.

"You do know the etymology behind the word 'marine' don't you General?" 'Thank you Harry,' he thought, 'all those times you've gone off on a long winded and wordy explanation of something that's caught your interest is paying off; 'etymology'', Jiggs snorted to himself, that'll annoy the old warhorse!

The barest tick registered on Jack O'Neill's face, so, that's the way Starke wanted to play it eh? Well, one did not survive years and many long, looong boring mission camping trips with Dr. Daniel Jackson and Colonel Samantha Carter without learning a few things.

The Defense Secretary mentally 'face palmed' and sighed quietly. He hated these meetings. He'd been through at least three of them since O'Neill had become the main contact for the Stargate program after Hammond had retired. The Air Force and the Navy had been butting heads for years. Frankly he blamed Star Trek for giving the Navy the idea that they would be the first line of defense in space rather than the Air Force. Damn the Enterprise!

"I'm sure the Marine's would be thrilled to hear that they're a 'contingent' of the Navy," O'Neill said dryly. "I can hardly wait to hear Jimmy's reaction to that bit of news." *

Jiggs narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth but whatever he was going to say was interrupted, thankfully, by a Defense Secretary desperately wishing for an aspirin or a drink, maybe both.

"Gentlemen, please. General O'Neill what exactly is the Air Force's issue with the Navy having more personnel on the base?"

"Sir, due to the nature of the mission and the characteristics of the enemy we face in this location, not to mention that salt water is 'anathema'," Ha! Take that Salty! "To this particular species, I fail to see the need to have more Naval personnel other than Corpsmen, and of course, The Marines, on the base, Sir. The Navy is already providing as much support as they can Sir, I'm sure." Jack mentally crowed, 'Check.'

The Secretary frowned and turned to Starke, eyebrows raised, "Admiral?"

"So if I understand the gist of the General's argument, he doesn't believe that the Navy has anything further to offer the Air Force in this location?" Starke inquired innocently.

Jack's felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up; what was the old goat up to, he sounded entirely too reasonable and if there was one thing Jack knew after several years of locking horns with Jiggs Starke, reasonable was not his one of his more outstanding traits.

"I propose that the Navy send some personnel to the base who are, I believe you'll agree Mr. Secretary, uniquely suited to scoping out the situation and recommending whether the Navy could enhance this particular mission's operating parameters." Jiggs moved in for the kill.

The Secretary looked interested.

"Admiral Nelson and his Command Crew are uniquely qualified for this Sir. I think we can all agree that if anyone could be counted on to give a fair and impartial report on this matter it would be Nelson Sir. And, of course, being a Nobel Prize Winning Scientist, I certainly don't foresee him having any problems communicating with the 'natives' so to speak and I'm sure he'd love to see Atlantis." Jiggs' grin would have made a Great White proud. "Check and Mate", he crowed silently.

"Crap," O'Neill thought gloomily as he watched the Secretary give a relieved looking smile and nod; "Avast ye Matey! Strike your colors and prepare to be boarded."


	2. Chapter 2

"No way, cool," Colonel John Sheppard grinned, then noticing the look on his superior's face, coughed and amended, "I mean, I don't think we need the Navy here Sir."

O'Neill rolled his eyes, "Nice try Colonel." Jack was in a supremely grumpy mood. Not only had he let Jiggs Starke (and really, what the heck kind of name was Jiggs anyway?) get the better of him but he also had some of his best people reacting to the news of a visit by Admiral Nelson and his Command Crew as if they were royalty. Sure the guy was a Nobel Prize Winner and he'd created the most advanced ship ("boat," he heard the correction in Daniel Jackson's voice; "whatever" his own internal voice snarked back) humanity had been capable of until the Asgard technology had been gifted to Stargate Command, and they'd built their first space ships; and yes, it had 'windows' but really, was that any reason for Carter, a normally unflappable and very sensible officer to gush like a fan girl at a rock concert? No. Daniel he could understand. He'd been trapped at a science symposium once listening to Nelson lecture on the properties of some type of mollusk for over an hour before he'd made his escape and from what he could remember; Nelson and Daniel would probably get on like a house on fire, but Carter?

"Es tu, Sam", he thought. And now, Sheppard, the quintessential 'flyboy' was trying to suppress the gleeful look of a kid who'd just been told Santa was coming for a visit. What was up with that? Sheppard looked bouncy; Teyla and Ronan looked politely confused and indifferent, respectively; Lorne looked quietly thrilled in his own laid back way as Sheppard; in fact the only ones who appeared to be the least bit dismayed were Richard Woolsey, the expedition's most recent leader and Rodney McKay, resident genius pain in the neck and places farther south. Hmmm, interesting; McKay he could understand but Woolsey?

"There's no reason for Nelson to come to Atlantis. What would be the point? And have you ever dealt with the man? The ego on that man, the constant arguments and have I mentioned his temper? He's unstable, at the best of times." Rodney was in full rant mode, arms waving and completely oblivious to the raised eyebrows of virtually everyone in the room.

"One of those stubborn science types that just refuses to admit when they're wrong eh?" Sheppard interjected dryly.

"Pot meet kettle" Jack barely heard coming from Lorne.

"Well, yes, be that as it may," Woolsey attempted to regain control of the intergalactic conference, time was money and keeping the wormhole open for this meeting was probably costing a fortune. "General O'Neill, I'm not sure that having such high level visitors to the base is a very good idea, security-wise, especially at this time."

"Really Richard," Jack asked, "and why is that?"

"Well General O'Neill, the Wraith could attack."

Sheppard frowned and he and Lorne shared a look.

"Richard, the Wraith could always attack, that's kind of what they do. These aren't civilians we're talking about; they're military even if they are Navy." Sheppard grinned, Lorne nodded.

"No, Woolsey's absolutely right. The man is a walking trouble magnet, wherever he goes, chaos follows. I know the man, if it's strange, it happens to him." Rodney added desperately. Why wouldn't these people listen to him, if they thought Jackson was bad with his constant dying and ascending foolishness they would be overwhelmed by Nelson; good lord the simplest experiment suddenly veered off through the Looking Glass when Harriman Nelson was involved; the only thing they could be the least bit thankful for was that SG-1 wasn't coming along otherwise they might as well kiss the Pegasus Galaxy good-bye.

Rodney once again failed to notice the raised eyebrows after the words 'trouble magnet' were uttered, nor the looks aimed his way.

"I wouldn't put it in quite those words but Admiral Nelson does have a bit of a reputation in certain circles for attracting…" Woolsey seem to be searching for the right word.

"Weirdness," McKay supplied forcefully and not at all helpfully in Woolsey's opinion.

"Dr. McKay, please," Richard Woolsey rubbed his eyes; he could feel a headache coming on. He'd been an attaché to the NSA when certain ONI reports had come across his desk. He'd been younger then, thinking himself fairly jaded but even so, reading those reports had been like reading a science fiction novel. He'd never told anyone but he'd actually looked forward to another report from the Seaview, say what you will, they were never boring, but that was then and now, now light years away from home on a floating alien city, Richard Woolsey very much wanted as much boring as possible. McKay was not putting it very delicately but he had a point, boring and Nelson; two concepts that did not keep company in any way, shape or form.

General O'Neill raised a hand to forestall any further discussion: "It's a done deal gentlemen, and Lady (with a nod to Teyla, which she graciously acknowledged). Admiral Nelson, Captain Crane and his XO Commander Morton will be arriving on the Hammond with Colonel Carter. Show them around, Be Polite (this directly sternly at Rodney who opened his mouth than shut it with a sulky snap, audible several galaxies away) and Colonel?" Sheppard straightened in his chair.

"Sir?"

"Try to keep the Marines from asking for their autographs." Sheppard gave a solid salute. "Yes Sir."

At that moment, CMO Jennifer Keller rushed into the room, "Sorry, sorry," she scooted into her chair, pushing hair out of her face and trying to catch her breath before smiling hesitantly at everyone; "What did I miss?"


	3. Chapter 3

Harriman Nelson moved another slide into place; fascinating, the structure looked almost crystalline.

"Harri?"

He was almost positive that this could be considered a new species and not merely an offshoot.

"Harri?"

Could this change be attributed to depth or a temperature variation? More samples that's what he needed, you could never have too many samples.

"Harriman have you heard a word I've said?" Jiggs bellowed.

Nelson looked up from his slide and glared at his oldest friend. "Of course I heard you; you're apparently under the mistaken impression that during the repaint and retrofit of the Seaview, Lee, Chip and I are going to waste our time haring off into deep space to prove that there should be naval personnel on some Ancient floating city on an unnamed planet, because you're upset that Jack O'Neill has space ships and you don't." Nelson 'harumphed', "Madness", before turning back to his microscope and slipping another slide into place: definitely crystalline.

"But Harri," Jiggs almost whined, "it won't take that long, apparently those scientists have got Midway II almost up and running. The Hammond can take you to Midway and you can gate to Atlantis from there and gate all the way back; you'll be gone a week tops."

"Jiggs, where did you get this bee in your bonnet about the Navy being in space? We're submariners, we sail the oceans; we don't go flitting around the galaxy."

"Harri, if anyone knows about surviving in ships completely surrounded by a hostile environment, it's the Navy and especially the sailors who serve on submarines." Jiggs was in full on rant mode and he'd started pacing Nelson noted, he shook his head, this could go on for awhile.

"They never even asked us for our thoughts on the psychological impact of prolonged tours of duty on those ships of theirs; I mean for God's sake Harri, who knows more about long trips in close quarters than the submarine service? Who Harri? No one, that's who," Jiggs indignantly threw up his hand.

Nelson sighed; he was never going to get any work done unless he could get rid of Jiggs. He could try throwing his friend out but it probably wouldn't work and even if it did, he'd just come back; when Jiggs got an idea into his head he was like a bulldog with a bone although a rather amusing one. He leaned forward, chin in hand: "I think NASA would disagree with you there, Jiggs." He laughed, "Besides, we're sailors, not astronauts, let the flyboys have their fun. Not to mention the fact that we aren't even talking about a ship, we're talking about a base"

"It's a ship, a city sized ship, but a ship nonetheless and besides, it floats."

"Is the Navy responsible for anything that is remotely touching a sea or ocean on this planet and all others now?" Nelson tugged his ear and laughed, "Oh Jiggs", he stated fondly, shaking his head.

I doubt you'd find too many sailors who would be willing to trade places with your average astronaut anyway." Jiggs eyes lit up and Nelson mentally kicked himself; 'You walked right into that one Harriman."

"Morton. He jumped at the chance and his background in sub service made him uniquely qualified for that Venus mission that's one of the reasons he was chosen."

"And didn't that work out well?" Harri pointed out dryly.

"Dammit Harri," Jiggs kicked at the carpeting and looked almost exactly like a six year old boy being told he couldn't go to the big game; "Please?"

Nelson sighed again. Eh? What could it hurt? He couldn't spare much time but he couldn't say he was completely uninterested in seeing Atlantis. Obviously he wasn't privy to too much information involving the Stargate program but he had been asked about a few things through the years, usually items involving Rodney McKay where a second opinion was being sought.

'McKay', he frowned, the man was brilliant but a complete ass; he grinned, might be interesting to go just to yank his chain a bit, or a lot. He leaned back in his chair and gave his friend a softened version of his famous glare, "All right Jiggs, you win." Starke's eyes lit up but before he could say anything Nelson raised one finger, "a short visit and that's all and if there's nothing the Navy can bring to the table, I'll say so flat out."

"Sure, sure Harri, of course, but I know you, and I know you'll find something." Jiggs was positively beaming.

"Harumph."

XXXXXXX

"Why are you so excited that Nelson is being inflicted on us? Why!?" Rodney was at a complete loss. He would have expected Sheppard to be upset that a Navy Admiral was coming to visit, at the very least, tense. John Sheppard hated kowtowing to the Brass, even though he was a Lt. Colonel. In fact the only officers he seemed to tolerate well (and conversely who tolerated him) were General O'Neill, Colonel Carter and Colonel Caldwell (barely) but a three star Admiral had him acting giddy, and not just him; Rodney snuck a look at Major Lorne who also looked pretty pleased.

Sheppard spun around and held up two fingers; "Two words Rodney:"Flying. Sub ."

Lorne laughed and added: "A Yellow Flying Sub, shaped like a Manta Ray."

"I know right? How cool is that?" Sheppard crowed. "I would so love to fly her."

"She's a beauty all right. Not bad for a Navy guy, even if he is an Admiral." Lorne said in admiration.

Rodney stared at them aghast; "The man's supposed to be some sort of genius, even if it is in Marine Biology (Rodney shuddered slightly) but even I know Manta Ray's aren't yellow," he finished at high volume.

Sheppard and Lorne shared a look before John lifted and eyebrow in Rodney's direction; "Somebody is very cranky."

"Don't feed the scientists after midnight Sir." Lorne deadpanned.

"Good one Lorne."

"Thank you Sir."

Rodney gave them a death glare and stomped away, yelling over his shoulder: "Bite Me!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Excuse Me Sir, we're going where?" Chip was sure he had heard the Admiral correctly the first time but Chip Morton had always believed a good XO made absolutely sure his CO had said something outrageous before mustering logical reasons why said utterances probably weren't such a good idea.

"Atlantis, an Ancient alien floating city on some unnamed planet in the Pegasus Galaxy, should be interesting." Nelson said offhandedly, while sorting through various computer discs on his desk.

To his credit, Morton's left eye barely twitched, he'd been worried for awhile that he was going to develop some sort of facial tic working with the Admiral and Lee but so far his iron clad reserve had yet to fail him, at least completely. "But Sir, the retrofit," Chip tried, he didn't think it was going to do him any good but he intended to go down swinging.

Nelson waved his hand distractedly, "We'll only be gone a week tops, Sharkey will be here and Bobby can oversee getting things moved into the warehouse and shifted around so that the serious work can start."

"Lt. O'Brien; and Chief Sharkey; without any supervision," Chip's left eye twitched a little more strongly.

"You know," Nelson continued, oblivious to his XO's distress, "this will be an excellent opportunity for our young lieutenant; he doesn't often get a chance to spread his wings without one of us looking over his shoulder; it'll be good for him, dealing directly with Sharkey and the men; how much trouble could they get into anyway." Nelson pulled out a satchel and started loading some paperwork along with the discs he'd found and was therefore blissfully ignorant of his XO's appalled stare.

Chip blinked, not even sure where to start; fortunately or unfortunately, as the case may be, he didn't get a chance because his best friend and commanding officer breezed into the room carrying a tray of coffees and several reports under his arm.

"Hey, what did I miss?"

XXXXXXXXXXX

"The biologists are making 'Welcome' banners," Radek commented. He reached for the salt, hesitated, and then added a shake to the pale blue 'potatoes'.

"That is very kind of them. He must be a great man on your planet, not only are the scientists quite pleased he is making a visit, the Marines also appear to be very happy as well." Teyla smiled at Radek before turning to Torren and trying to coax him into eating another bite of 'potato'. Torren, in the way of most toddlers was much more interested in using his food as building materials. Teyla frowned; Torren would not be quite so difficult if his 'uncle' Ronan weren't encouraging him quite so much.

"Yeah, the Staff Sergeant has been cleaning ever since O'Neill announced the visit. Is this Admiral Nelson a great war hero as well as some sort of scientist?" Ronan snuck Torren another carrot stick to use as fencing for his potato fort.

Radek shrugged, "He has fought in wars, yes, but he has always spoken for peace and especially protecting the Earth's oceans. He is a very brilliant man. He created a great ship, called the Seaview and he sails the Earth's oceans studying them and protecting the planet. He is a teacher as well as a soldier and one of the few military people that we scientists trust."

Zelenka smiled as Teyla intercepted another carrot stick from Ronan to Torren, biting it in half decisively. Ronan grinned unrepentantly.

"Rodney does not seem very happy about his visit though," Teyla stated diplomatically.

"McKay's pissed," Ronan snorted.

"Admiral Nelson is a marine biologist and Rodney does not do so well with biologists," Radek said.

"He usually just insults them," Ronan said, "so what's different about this guy?"

"Well, he is also a Nuclear Physicists, a great designer, holds many patents in engineering and," Radek hesitated, leaning forward and lowering his voice, "Admiral Nelson also has won the Nobel Prize in Marine Biology."

"Ah," Ronan and Teyla said in unison, nodded knowingly. They may not understand everything about Earth society but they had heard of the Nobel Prize often enough from Rodney usually on a rant about what idiot had won the latest one while his genius was trapped, unable to publish prize winning papers due to the idiotic bureaucracy that was the United States military and their rampant paranoia. They knew that having a Nobel Prize winner on the base would irritate Rodney greatly. The fact that the prize was in biology would simply be adding salt to the wound.

"We shall have to be extra nice to Rodney during this visit," Teyla said kindly, bouncing Torren on her knee.

Ronan and Radek exchanged looks, yeah, right.

XXXXXXX

"I just don't see why I have to go, that's all." Chip finished loading another book into his Kindle.

"Give it up Morton; we're both going, although frankly if anyone should get to stay behind it should be me." Lee muttered as he fiddled with the pens on Chip's desk thinking longingly of the willowy brunette he'd had a date lined up with that evening.

Chip narrowed his eyes, giving his friend a knowing look before snatching the pens and putting them neatly back in their container. "My heart bleeds for you," he said insincerely.

Lee grinned and leaned back in his chair, "You're just annoyed because you think Sharkey and O'Brien are going to wreck havoc while we're gone," Lee teased.

"I just think it would be a good idea to have a senior officer present in case anything comes up, that's all I'm saying." Chip answered from the head where he was fetching his shaving kit.

Lee rose and threw an arm across his friend's shoulders as he came out, "They've got to leave the nest sometime Chip old friend, and our Bobby's all grown up." Lee stated solemnly before breaking into a grin, "Sharkey I think we're stuck with."

Chip finally relaxed, shaking his head and smiling fondly, "Goof." He snapped his suitcase closed.

"C'mon, let's go meet this Colonel Carter the Air Force is sending over to pick us up."

"Yeah, maybe we can get a snack from Cookie before we head over to the Admiral's office, you know to tide us over later," Chip added. Lee smiled, mission accomplished, one annoyed XO's feathers now unruffled.

Chip and Lee heard unfamiliar feminine laughter coming from Nelson's office. Cookie had been kind enough to hand them several sandwiches and a stash of chocolate, chocolate chip cookies. Chip believed in always having snacks in place for any trip and Lee couldn't complain as more than once Morton's stash of food had come in handy.

"Come in gentlemen, come in," Nelson was smiling broadly. In front of him stood a slightly taller blonde haired woman with the rank insignia of Colonel on her Air Force uniform, although it was more like a flight suit. Lee and Chip set their bags down and came to immediate attention.

"Ma'am," they saluted.

She returned their salute and smiled broadly. "Captain Crane, Commander Morton, it's an honor."

Chip and Lee exchanged a look, 'an honor'?

"I've read your files, absolutely fascinating." Carter stated. "Admiral Nelson…"

"Harri," Nelson interrupted with a charming smile. Chip and Lee felt their eyebrows rise slightly.

"Harri," Carter amended, somewhat bashfully, "has been telling me about some of your more colorful adventures."

"And getting some grand tales in return," Nelson stated kindly, "the Colonel's ship the Hammond will be giving us a lift to Midway II. I can hardly wait to see her in action."

Lee was pretty sure the Admiral was referring to the ship but Colonel Carter was a very good looking woman and Nelson could be very charming with the ladies and if the ladies happened to be the commanding officer of a space ship, well that lure would be nigh irresistible.

"Well, now that we're all here, shall we?" Nelson said with a conspiratorial wink at the Colonel.

"Shall we what?" Chip asked.

There was a flash of light and suddenly Lee and Chip found themselves standing on the bridge of a ship looking down at the Earth from what appeared to be high orbit, their bags at their feet, Nelson and Carter in front of them; Nelson with a mischievous grin on his face.

Chip glanced to his side and started; standing behind a consol was a small grey alien with large eyes. He nudged Lee who had been busy staring out the windows.

"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Chip said faintly.


End file.
